all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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