don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I want her autograph on my taint
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
