he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
