yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
