it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
