Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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