her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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