im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
