my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
