I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
