I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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