Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
