So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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