didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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