8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
