When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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