i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
