Are we in a gay sports bar?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
