I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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