I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
