In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
