think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
