Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
