I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
