your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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