Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Randomize
