She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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