i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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