1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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