Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
