i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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