so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
