Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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