he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
