CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
