All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
