So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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