I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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