I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
FUCK WHALES
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
