Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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