Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
