So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
