1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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