I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
