haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
