I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
