I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
