Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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