i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
