i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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