I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
