Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
