It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
