Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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