Christians are straight up FREAKS
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
