Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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