Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
