I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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