he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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