I smell stomach acid.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
