Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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