I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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