you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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