I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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