my shit smells like andre
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
